Wishing for a wedding planner

I know I could/should do it all myself -- and I think I might enjoy it, if I didn't have so much other stuff going on between residency and my Dad -- but I really find myself wishing we could have one of those magic wonderful wedding planners like you see on TV. I almost wonder if I should sell a few bottles of the wine Dad's been saving for me, just to pay for one. But I hate spending money, and if I were to sell these treasures, I feel like I should spend the money on something more lasting. Sigh. I really wish we had won that contest we entered at the Bride's Cafe. I still can't believe they picked another military couple who are having a freaking barn wedding too. Sigh. Except they're only half-military. We're "whole" military. And weren't sitting in what looks like first class in our photo. But I'll stop talking sour grapes. Maybe. Double sigh.

Mossy Centerpieces from Morgan

These most awesome centerpieces have totally inspired much of my wedding vision. I'm just trying to reconcile them with the shimmery sparkly thoughts I have too. Shimmery and sparkly and woodsy and autumnal all at once -- can that be done well, and tastefully?
And ARGH I canNOT get flickr and google and blogger to talk so that I can actually post her photo here. So I will have to settle for linking.
I have already collected a bunch of apothecary jars from Boscov's -- hopefully they're not broken; I didn't have time to open all the boxes before Win tucked them into the garage to lessen the growing pile of boxes in the apartment.

I'm picturing these jars with moss scattered around their bases on the tables, with some leaves or rocks or whatnot, and the simple clear hobnail votive holders I got at A.C. Moore. They look a lot like these. I think I've amassed at least 40 -- but I'm not sure. I bought the last 27 they had last week, and they were on clearance, so drat -- I might not be able to get them anymore!

Bridesmaids'/matrons' dresses

Ahh, contemplating the bridesmaids' (matrons') dresses.
I hate to ask people to spend a lot on them. But I really like these Watters dresses, and the ladies seem to as well. But yipes, they're 'spensive.


We like the sleeves, and the fabric is gorgeous (or so it appears online). I like the "acorn" color, perhaps the "snapdragon," or the chocolate brown shown in the photo, or perhaps the sagey "meadow" color.

They're just so expensive!

Wedding bands

Now is the time when I say I will try to start posting more wedding-planning stuff here. I will start with these lovely hammered bands by Isabel Jewelry.

I've been looking for nice, simple, handmade hammered bands for ages, it seems -- it's just that any google search involving the word "wedding" seems to yield nothing but mass-produced and/or super-commercial crap. I came upon Isabel Jewelry while looking for meteorite rings, when I found this wikidot site on unusual wedding bands.
Anyway, I love them! It's a toss up at this point whether we order from her, or go to Dominion Jewelers just because they're nearby and also do handmade stuff.

Something lighter. And mildly stupid. But probably true.

Of course my cat is trying to kill me. Both of them are. That's what cats do.

Dear self, don't forget

I love my fiance.  I love him, I love him, I LOVE HIM.  

I love him for who he is, not for what he does for me or my father, but I have to take some time here to reflect on how grateful I am for him, and all that he does.  Perhaps, in thirty years, when I want to throw his GameWhatsit3000 out the window, I can read this and be thankful.   

Six and a half years ago we met.  Last July he proposed and I accepted.  Probably right around then, my father found out that his life savings was gone, due to some combination of sleeze on another's part and poor choices on my dad's part.   He hadn't told us, and didn't tell us when I happily told him about the engagement.  My dad has also been sick with multiple myeloma for quite a while -- but initially it was really pretty good, as MM goes.  But it's been getting worse, which he also kept from me.  I think he was really just trying to protect me.  Once we found out about the swindling and the worsening health, darling fiance kicked into high gear and has been helping my dad with his bills and paperwork.  He sorted through months, even years of mail and papers for him, and organized the whole lot.  Hell, when my dad had a pulmonary embolism even before all this, Win sat with me for hours in the ER, and -- double hell -- he even helped my poor Daa stand up to pee in that awful ER room.  

Win has held me together, been an absolute pillar of charming strength, and I am beyond grateful.  He's postponed his job search after returning from Iraq last summer, to be better able to help my dad, whose health rather quickly worsened in the past few weeks.  He held me after we were awakened by a panicked call from dad on my first day of winter vacation, and I sobbed at the thought of the downhill ride we must really be heading for now.  He sat with me and held me on the bathroom floor at his parents' house, after I had a knock-down drag-out on the phone with dad's ladyfriend, who was blocking my attempts to secure mental health support for my father.  He came to find me in the CT woods in the snow and freezing rain, after I walked off in only cotton workout clothes and sorrell boots to burn off the rage, and had laid down in a snowy field staring up at the icy rain, still sobbing.  He worried I would go too far and get too cold to come back.  

He's even foregone real food and is doing nutrisystems with me as I fight to lose weight throughout all this, so the Navy won't continue to have my @ss for lunch and/or kick me out.  He's found ways to gently encourage my workouts, without causing me to feel defensive or enraged.  

He's adopted my dad's parrot with me.  He's been bitten time and time again and gone back for more, and has now come to an odd sort of friendship with him.  

And now he's working like a dog to help us sort through all our stuff, much of it still in boxes from the move 1.5 years ago just before he went to Iraq and I started my internship, to make room for my father here in our 2 bedroom 4th floor walkup apartment -- now that my dad's sudden inability to work has forced him to retire, with no savings, and much debt.  My poor, crotchety lonely father, who's always been taken care of by someone else -- first his mom, then mine.  His idea of camping out is 4 stars instead of 5....  The thought of him having to move into his daughter & her fiance's apartment must be demoralizing at best.  Win is over there at dad's house right now, helping him figure out what to do with his finances, figuring out what of his things we can sell, how best to get out of the house he's upsidedown on.  Jeebus, he even went to the drugstore on the way to get dad his required suppositories.  

All this and still he helps plan our wedding, grabs me and tells me all that matters is that we'll be married in ten months, when I lament that I don't have the buoyant energy to think about flowers and photographers and dresses and favors and invitations and aaaaagh!

How could I not love this man?  Impossible.  I love him with all my heart and soul, and I cannot thank him enough for all he's done and is doing for me and for my father.  I worry when I see his jaw set with stress, like I've never seen before.  It melts my heart that he's taken on my burdens so bravely.  

Shhh. Don't tell anyone. I'm POSTING something.

I know, I know. It's been FOREVER. I kindof forget to write here. But I will put in BEEEG NEWS then. For the negative-twelve people who read this.
I AM GETTING MARRIED! Yes! ME!
And it will be smallish, I hope, so don't be hurt if you're not invited. We have no money for a big shebang, thanks to a certain lawyer who sneakily appears to have "lost" poor da's life savings. And even if he hadn't, I wouldn't want da to shell out gobs of money. We just want a nice party for some close friends and family.

Yikes

Wow, it's been awhile.
!&@^@ing internship.
More than half down, an eternity to go.
I have nothing interesting to say. I just thought I should try.
No luck!
Ah, but look what I made! Well, really, it didn't take any know-how whatsoever:

Hey, check out my finger!

This amuses me. Stupid I know, and likely written like a fortune teller's patter, designed to make anyone think it applies to him/her, but I'm still amused by the detail it presents after such simple questions in the quiz. As much as I hate to admit it, parts of it are quite accurate. At certain times of my life, anyway.

You Are the Middle Finger

A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you're not nearly as hostile as you seem. You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious. However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren't afraid to show it! You get along well with: The Index Finger Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

Everyone hold onto your @sses ^H^H^H^H^H^H health, it's almost July 1!

So, anyone who knows anything about medical education knows this -- FOR MULE'S SAKE, DON'T GET SICK/HURT IN JULY! That's because people like me, new interns, are about to be unleashed upon the poor defenseless (well not entirely) inhabitants of teaching hospitals around the country. Now, it's not that we're stupid. It's not that we don't care. It's not that we're not trying, or, in other words, scared sh!tless that we're going to do something wrong. It's just that there is no way in hell we could have been fully prepared for the responsibilities that are suddenly thrust upon us. And, our predecessors have just been bumped up a notch to their own new responsibilities, and are also so eager to bug the hell out of internship that there is really no room or time for the handholding we might want or need. It may not be as bad as it sounds -- in some places and situations, I might argue that you're safer in July than you might otherwise be, as your intern's work is being checked more carefully than ever -- but that depends on who has time to do the checking.

So we prepare for exhaustion, frustration, terror, sadness, joy, responsibility, power, powerlessness, and more -- while trying not to kill anyone. We're actually all trying to do better than that, trying to heal and comfort everyone -- but after a few hours (or many more), no matter how high our aspirations, we are reduced to the former effort. You see, in addition to trying to recall and USE all of the medical knowledge that fried our brains for the last four or more years, we are trying to learn a half-dozen or more cryptic computer systems, figure out which consults need a fax/phone call/computer entry/or combination thereof, figure out which drugs are on formulary, find the "good" bathroom/ the call room/ the call room combination/ the locker room/ the locker room combination, how to work the scrub machine, AND SO MUCH MORE -- all while all we REALLY want to do is save a life, relieve pain, and basically make our patients better. And, mind you, this is all going on while we are still secretly saying to ourselves "holy crap, am I wearing a LONG coat?! Damn, I just wrote a prescription, and signed it myself!?" and each time we introduce ourselves as "Dr. So and So" we dance between pride and fear. Terror even. Or at least, I do. I don't know about the others, because, you see, they're all good at acting like they know it all and/or nothing bothers them. Or maybe they do, and nothing does. Maybe *I* just don't belong here -- but I'm told that we all feel that way. And now, I must do some laundry and unpack some boxes from this palace of cardboard that surrounds me, because starting tomorrow, I have no full weekends off for weeks and weeks. Remind me to tell you about the bastard stepchild that is the Transitional Intern, some other time.

BEHOLD, for I have graduated!

Shockingly, I now have a new set of letters behind my name ... M.D. !

I have almost completed 2+ weeks of the-world's-longest-check-in-process now, and on Sunday will start my first day as a real live intern, doing intern things. Scarey, no!?

Oh, and by the way, I DON'T RECOMMEND HST for Medical School!

Oh, and by the way, I DO NOT RECOMMEND GOING TO THE HST PROGRAM OF HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!! Unless they have some fantastic mentor doing exactly what you are interested in for your required MD thesis, or unless you are damn certain you need no mentoring, and have no desire to offer any constructive feedback, EVER, to the administration -- then, and only then, maybe, you could consider thinking about considering it very verrrrry carefully.

If you came upon this post via some search and you are actually considering the Harvard-MIT HST MD Program -- feel free to send me a message/comment and I'd LOVE to make sure you get another perspective. For the sake of all that is happiness and sanity and a good education, etc etc. And, I'll even connect you with some people who aren't as bitter as I am, in an attempt to be fair and all that.

Misbegotten-Devil-Stitch Almost-Non-Slanting Single Decrease

So today I am occasionally (ha) taking breaks from my evil useless thesis by knitting a hat for a friend. Well, it's not for him anymore, because I think it will end up being small-child sized. So it's practice. Anywho, it's mostly like this Olive Cable-Knit Hat but of course I got obsessive and decided that when it came time to the decrease section where you drop from a k2 rib to a k1 rib, I wanted a non-slanting decrease. But I couldn't find any non-slanting single decreases, so I wasted plenty of time figuring this out -- what I call the Misbegotten-Devil-Stitch Almost-Non-Slanting Single Decrease. I'm sure someone else has already figured it out, or more likely, something much better, but I'm writing it here so I don't forget it, at least until I find the better way that someone else figured out!

So I worked until I arrived at the two stitches that I wished to become one -- that is, the future single decrease. I then temporarily slipped the first of those stitches to the R needle. Then I created the Misbegotten Devil Stitch simply by lifting the bar to the right of the next stitch (which was between the two that were destined to become one), and placed it onto the left needle (either way, front to back or back to front -- one ends up making a little bit of a hole, the other looks a little odd in its own way, and I can't remember which is which). Then I returned the temporarily slipped stitch from the right needle back to the left. Now everything was basically set up to do a non-slanting pretty center stitch double decrease by slipping two sts knitwise at once, then knitting one, then passing the two slipped stitches over. Depending on how tightly you knit and all, the slipping and the passing can be painful. But anyway, you more or less seem to get a non-slanting single decrease out of it all. Or then again, maybe in a few rows I'll notice that it makes my whole hat self-destruct. I'll let you know later. After thesis of useless PITA doom is done. With pictures. (Of the hat, not the thesis of crap).

And, in slightly shorter steps so I never have to read that babble again (I'm sorry if you did):
Step 1) work your pattern until the 2 sts you wish to make into 1.
Step 2) sl 1 st pwise (temporarily, so it doesn't really matter where you hold the yarn, just don't end up wrapping it around like a crazy person)
Step 3) as though you were going to M1 (but without the knitting part!), insert L ndl through horizontal strand between the two stitches destined to become one (that is, between the one on the right ndl and the one on the left).
Step 4) return, via slipping, the temporarily slipped st on the R ndl back to the L ndl
Step 5) Now embark on somewhat standard non-slanting double decrease: sl2tog kwise, k1, p2sso.

Depending on which way you inserted the left needle to make the Misbegotten Devil Stitch, you may have a slight hole beneath your new, relatively non-slanting single stitch, or it may just look a little funky. I forgot which does which. I have now decided that the one with the small hole looks a little better -- more symmetric -- but I imagine that a larger hole could be undesirable, so if you knit loosely it could look untoward.... And I still can't remember which way to put the left needle in. I think it might be front to back. I'll let you know if I ever get around to doing it again! (As for who "you" are, I don't know -- I'm pretty sure no one reads this but me!)

Ahh look, one of this morning's time-wasting, thesis-fighting breaks:
I confess that at first I was told I as scary, and that I scare even scary people sometimes. I had hammed it up a bit in my answers though, and went back and adjusted them, mostly because I wanted the damn kitten pic. That must take away from my scary-ness score in itself!

You Are a Little Scary

You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.

How Scary Are You?

And, in the spirit of certain current events, more blog-quiz stupidity that makes me feel like some MySpace-ing idiot teenager:

It seems that I'm somewhere between Dr. Weird and Master Shake, depending on my mood:

I am Dr. Weird from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!
OR



I am Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!


Which Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you??

Apparent CROOK on Ebay

I suppose that after 27+ purchases, I should expect to have encountered at least one crook on Ebay, but it still makes me angry.
Don't buy from barginhousepa! Of course there's no way she'd still sell under that userid with half a brain, but I still had to say something to the void here.
This person took my money, failed to respond to numerous requests for contact in various forms, never sent me the item, and failed to own up to her behavior via the PayPal dispute resolution service. PayPal even found in my favor, but "failed to recover any funds."
I'd put the [apparent] crook's name here, but that would be a violation of EBay policy.
I can't even post venomous negative feedback on EBay because it says that user no longer has a valid account. Yet daily I am taunted by a message on MyEbay telling me I need to leave feedback for that item. That item I paid for and never received. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Who shears the possum?

Did you know there's yarn made from possum fur? You probably did. I did not. Now I do. I LOVE the thought of it. One queston though -- who harvests said possum fur? Have you ever tried to lay hands on an adult possum? Even a baby possum? I have. They're fierce creatures. Does someone RAISE possums for yarn? How amusing. Or do they have secret dens where they rub on something and deposit their fur, and some dedicated yarn spinner sneaks in and steals said fur (thereby probably freezing a possum in the winter who counted on it for bedding or something)? I really want to know, where does this possum fur come from, and how is it acquired!? Maybe there's a sheep/goat-possum cross out there. Now THAT would be good.

knitting blog templates?

So I'd really like a knitting blog template that would just take care of all the code for me, to put in a place for FOs with image and pattern links, etc etc, because otherwise the old engineer in me will decide to spend "valuable" studying and thesis-writing time on figuring it out myself. And now if I don't shut up about it, I might do it, and that would be bad.

I don't want to take any more *#&$(*@&#ing tests!

I am very tired of tests. Very. I'm taking Step II CK on friday. I am not amused. I figure I should study, but all I can do is anything BUT study. I've knit way more than I should. I've surfed for useless Ebay items excessively. I've even brushed and combed the kitten (a serious undertaking, unlike brushing Ferris, who loves it). I can't even look forward to the damn test being over, because after that I somehow have to pull a thesis out of my @ss in 2 or 3 weeks, and as much as I hate taking tests, I think I'd rather do that than write a thesis, especially one based on total ****. I should shut up, for fear that someone important to my career/future ends up reading this....

How have I not mentioned BITEY, the kitten?!?

BITEY!!!

We have acquired another kitten, to soothe the frightening emerging cat-lady in me, and to keep Ferris company. We call her Bitey. (See the Simpson's monorail episode, anyone? "I call the big one Bitey!") She's not that Bitey anymore, most of the time, but it's really amusing to watch the vet tech come out to the waiting room and call her name....



She is a very meowy kitten. Cat really. She's about 7+ months old now, or so we estimate. She has some of the most expressive, warbling, variable pitch meows I've ever heard. And she sucks on the couch pillows' fringe, in full-out suckle mode, kneading the pillow and purring like crazy. She'll do it until she falls asleep, then if you pet her she awakens and picks up where she left off, the fringe still anchored in her mouth. And she has these whacky tufts of fur coming out between the pads of her paws. She slides all around the floor because of them. Actually, today we saw some Nature show on PBS about the "Land of the Falling Lakes" in Croatia, and they showed "wild forest cats" which looked almost EXACTLY like Bitey. Maybe she escaped from Croatia and is a refugee forest cat. She's going to eat us in our sleep. We've always suspected that.... Cats are evil, but they can't help it. And probably wouldn't, if they could. I need to sleep; I sound crazier than usual!

it lives!

Behold. I am alive. Not that anyone would notice here, I think. But that's ok. I just need a place to babble now and then.

I have some stressful cr@p hanging over my head -- as usual, but more than usual. A thesis to pull out of you-know-where by February, Step II CS in Houston in, oh, 3 days (@!*$^!*&#!!!), Step II CK on Dec 22, and oh, I will *hopefully* find out that I got a Navy internship on Dec 13. Otherwise, I will be in one foul and panicked mood that day.

So, with so many things to do and worry about and study for, I have, of course, knit way too much, and bought wayyyyy too much yarn and notions, and naturally, have developed a new obsession on Ebay. It started with me just trying to find a nice, simple, antique red bottle for my boyfriend's mother, who has a bunch of beautiful Avon bottles on her windowsil, and has often lamented the absence of a red one. So then I start seeing all the wonder of this thing called the "Cape Cod" collection of ruby red Avon tablewear. I'd probably think it was hideous if I saw it in some crazy old aunt's parlor, but now I'm obsessed with it's freakish vintage beauty. And in my quest for Avon bottles for not-at-all-mother-in-law, I won wayyy too many auctions. So she has presents for a few years coming, and I get to keep a few myself. But still I can't stop looking at that damn Cape Cod collection on Ebay. I am horribly fixated on a pedestaled cake stand. Now what the F(*& am *I* going to have time to do with a CAKE STAND as I attempt to graduate medical school and then move on to my first Navy post?!!? I don't know, but I want that damn cake stand so bad I'm reconsidering making that pain in the @ss Martha Stewart Snowflake covered fondant packaged fruitcake I slaved over last year. I've reawakened my obsession with snowflake cookie cutters because of this. I have snowflake cookie cutters in wishlists left and right. Did you know Ebay has this thing called Ebay Express, and it lets you make wishlists? Now, wtf Ebay Express is supposed to offer you I don't know. I just know their pages were loading @ss slow all night yet I still sat here and waited to see the avon glass, the tackle binders I now want to hold my knitting needles, and the 4000 cookie cutters....

My god man, you couldn't possibly be reading this, right?

Anyway, right, back to the knitting.
I finished Sophie in Kureyon, but she still needs a shave:


And a Silk Garden fishtail lace scarf:




And half a pair of fingerless mitts:


(pattern/yarn documentation is on my flickr pages, and I'm too lazy to put it in here at the moment -- sorry)