Yikes

Wow, it's been awhile.
!&@^@ing internship.
More than half down, an eternity to go.
I have nothing interesting to say. I just thought I should try.
No luck!
Ah, but look what I made! Well, really, it didn't take any know-how whatsoever:

Hey, check out my finger!

This amuses me. Stupid I know, and likely written like a fortune teller's patter, designed to make anyone think it applies to him/her, but I'm still amused by the detail it presents after such simple questions in the quiz. As much as I hate to admit it, parts of it are quite accurate. At certain times of my life, anyway.

You Are the Middle Finger

A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you're not nearly as hostile as you seem. You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious. However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren't afraid to show it! You get along well with: The Index Finger Stay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

Everyone hold onto your @sses ^H^H^H^H^H^H health, it's almost July 1!

So, anyone who knows anything about medical education knows this -- FOR MULE'S SAKE, DON'T GET SICK/HURT IN JULY! That's because people like me, new interns, are about to be unleashed upon the poor defenseless (well not entirely) inhabitants of teaching hospitals around the country. Now, it's not that we're stupid. It's not that we don't care. It's not that we're not trying, or, in other words, scared sh!tless that we're going to do something wrong. It's just that there is no way in hell we could have been fully prepared for the responsibilities that are suddenly thrust upon us. And, our predecessors have just been bumped up a notch to their own new responsibilities, and are also so eager to bug the hell out of internship that there is really no room or time for the handholding we might want or need. It may not be as bad as it sounds -- in some places and situations, I might argue that you're safer in July than you might otherwise be, as your intern's work is being checked more carefully than ever -- but that depends on who has time to do the checking.

So we prepare for exhaustion, frustration, terror, sadness, joy, responsibility, power, powerlessness, and more -- while trying not to kill anyone. We're actually all trying to do better than that, trying to heal and comfort everyone -- but after a few hours (or many more), no matter how high our aspirations, we are reduced to the former effort. You see, in addition to trying to recall and USE all of the medical knowledge that fried our brains for the last four or more years, we are trying to learn a half-dozen or more cryptic computer systems, figure out which consults need a fax/phone call/computer entry/or combination thereof, figure out which drugs are on formulary, find the "good" bathroom/ the call room/ the call room combination/ the locker room/ the locker room combination, how to work the scrub machine, AND SO MUCH MORE -- all while all we REALLY want to do is save a life, relieve pain, and basically make our patients better. And, mind you, this is all going on while we are still secretly saying to ourselves "holy crap, am I wearing a LONG coat?! Damn, I just wrote a prescription, and signed it myself!?" and each time we introduce ourselves as "Dr. So and So" we dance between pride and fear. Terror even. Or at least, I do. I don't know about the others, because, you see, they're all good at acting like they know it all and/or nothing bothers them. Or maybe they do, and nothing does. Maybe *I* just don't belong here -- but I'm told that we all feel that way. And now, I must do some laundry and unpack some boxes from this palace of cardboard that surrounds me, because starting tomorrow, I have no full weekends off for weeks and weeks. Remind me to tell you about the bastard stepchild that is the Transitional Intern, some other time.

BEHOLD, for I have graduated!

Shockingly, I now have a new set of letters behind my name ... M.D. !

I have almost completed 2+ weeks of the-world's-longest-check-in-process now, and on Sunday will start my first day as a real live intern, doing intern things. Scarey, no!?

Oh, and by the way, I DON'T RECOMMEND HST for Medical School!

Oh, and by the way, I DO NOT RECOMMEND GOING TO THE HST PROGRAM OF HARVARD MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!! Unless they have some fantastic mentor doing exactly what you are interested in for your required MD thesis, or unless you are damn certain you need no mentoring, and have no desire to offer any constructive feedback, EVER, to the administration -- then, and only then, maybe, you could consider thinking about considering it very verrrrry carefully.

If you came upon this post via some search and you are actually considering the Harvard-MIT HST MD Program -- feel free to send me a message/comment and I'd LOVE to make sure you get another perspective. For the sake of all that is happiness and sanity and a good education, etc etc. And, I'll even connect you with some people who aren't as bitter as I am, in an attempt to be fair and all that.

Misbegotten-Devil-Stitch Almost-Non-Slanting Single Decrease

So today I am occasionally (ha) taking breaks from my evil useless thesis by knitting a hat for a friend. Well, it's not for him anymore, because I think it will end up being small-child sized. So it's practice. Anywho, it's mostly like this Olive Cable-Knit Hat but of course I got obsessive and decided that when it came time to the decrease section where you drop from a k2 rib to a k1 rib, I wanted a non-slanting decrease. But I couldn't find any non-slanting single decreases, so I wasted plenty of time figuring this out -- what I call the Misbegotten-Devil-Stitch Almost-Non-Slanting Single Decrease. I'm sure someone else has already figured it out, or more likely, something much better, but I'm writing it here so I don't forget it, at least until I find the better way that someone else figured out!

So I worked until I arrived at the two stitches that I wished to become one -- that is, the future single decrease. I then temporarily slipped the first of those stitches to the R needle. Then I created the Misbegotten Devil Stitch simply by lifting the bar to the right of the next stitch (which was between the two that were destined to become one), and placed it onto the left needle (either way, front to back or back to front -- one ends up making a little bit of a hole, the other looks a little odd in its own way, and I can't remember which is which). Then I returned the temporarily slipped stitch from the right needle back to the left. Now everything was basically set up to do a non-slanting pretty center stitch double decrease by slipping two sts knitwise at once, then knitting one, then passing the two slipped stitches over. Depending on how tightly you knit and all, the slipping and the passing can be painful. But anyway, you more or less seem to get a non-slanting single decrease out of it all. Or then again, maybe in a few rows I'll notice that it makes my whole hat self-destruct. I'll let you know later. After thesis of useless PITA doom is done. With pictures. (Of the hat, not the thesis of crap).

And, in slightly shorter steps so I never have to read that babble again (I'm sorry if you did):
Step 1) work your pattern until the 2 sts you wish to make into 1.
Step 2) sl 1 st pwise (temporarily, so it doesn't really matter where you hold the yarn, just don't end up wrapping it around like a crazy person)
Step 3) as though you were going to M1 (but without the knitting part!), insert L ndl through horizontal strand between the two stitches destined to become one (that is, between the one on the right ndl and the one on the left).
Step 4) return, via slipping, the temporarily slipped st on the R ndl back to the L ndl
Step 5) Now embark on somewhat standard non-slanting double decrease: sl2tog kwise, k1, p2sso.

Depending on which way you inserted the left needle to make the Misbegotten Devil Stitch, you may have a slight hole beneath your new, relatively non-slanting single stitch, or it may just look a little funky. I forgot which does which. I have now decided that the one with the small hole looks a little better -- more symmetric -- but I imagine that a larger hole could be undesirable, so if you knit loosely it could look untoward.... And I still can't remember which way to put the left needle in. I think it might be front to back. I'll let you know if I ever get around to doing it again! (As for who "you" are, I don't know -- I'm pretty sure no one reads this but me!)

Ahh look, one of this morning's time-wasting, thesis-fighting breaks:
I confess that at first I was told I as scary, and that I scare even scary people sometimes. I had hammed it up a bit in my answers though, and went back and adjusted them, mostly because I wanted the damn kitten pic. That must take away from my scary-ness score in itself!

You Are a Little Scary

You've got a nice edge to you. Use it.

How Scary Are You?

And, in the spirit of certain current events, more blog-quiz stupidity that makes me feel like some MySpace-ing idiot teenager:

It seems that I'm somewhere between Dr. Weird and Master Shake, depending on my mood:

I am Dr. Weird from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!
OR



I am Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!


Which Aqua Teen Hunger Force character are you??

Apparent CROOK on Ebay

I suppose that after 27+ purchases, I should expect to have encountered at least one crook on Ebay, but it still makes me angry.
Don't buy from barginhousepa! Of course there's no way she'd still sell under that userid with half a brain, but I still had to say something to the void here.
This person took my money, failed to respond to numerous requests for contact in various forms, never sent me the item, and failed to own up to her behavior via the PayPal dispute resolution service. PayPal even found in my favor, but "failed to recover any funds."
I'd put the [apparent] crook's name here, but that would be a violation of EBay policy.
I can't even post venomous negative feedback on EBay because it says that user no longer has a valid account. Yet daily I am taunted by a message on MyEbay telling me I need to leave feedback for that item. That item I paid for and never received. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Who shears the possum?

Did you know there's yarn made from possum fur? You probably did. I did not. Now I do. I LOVE the thought of it. One queston though -- who harvests said possum fur? Have you ever tried to lay hands on an adult possum? Even a baby possum? I have. They're fierce creatures. Does someone RAISE possums for yarn? How amusing. Or do they have secret dens where they rub on something and deposit their fur, and some dedicated yarn spinner sneaks in and steals said fur (thereby probably freezing a possum in the winter who counted on it for bedding or something)? I really want to know, where does this possum fur come from, and how is it acquired!? Maybe there's a sheep/goat-possum cross out there. Now THAT would be good.

knitting blog templates?

So I'd really like a knitting blog template that would just take care of all the code for me, to put in a place for FOs with image and pattern links, etc etc, because otherwise the old engineer in me will decide to spend "valuable" studying and thesis-writing time on figuring it out myself. And now if I don't shut up about it, I might do it, and that would be bad.

I don't want to take any more *#&$(*@&#ing tests!

I am very tired of tests. Very. I'm taking Step II CK on friday. I am not amused. I figure I should study, but all I can do is anything BUT study. I've knit way more than I should. I've surfed for useless Ebay items excessively. I've even brushed and combed the kitten (a serious undertaking, unlike brushing Ferris, who loves it). I can't even look forward to the damn test being over, because after that I somehow have to pull a thesis out of my @ss in 2 or 3 weeks, and as much as I hate taking tests, I think I'd rather do that than write a thesis, especially one based on total ****. I should shut up, for fear that someone important to my career/future ends up reading this....

How have I not mentioned BITEY, the kitten?!?

BITEY!!!

We have acquired another kitten, to soothe the frightening emerging cat-lady in me, and to keep Ferris company. We call her Bitey. (See the Simpson's monorail episode, anyone? "I call the big one Bitey!") She's not that Bitey anymore, most of the time, but it's really amusing to watch the vet tech come out to the waiting room and call her name....



She is a very meowy kitten. Cat really. She's about 7+ months old now, or so we estimate. She has some of the most expressive, warbling, variable pitch meows I've ever heard. And she sucks on the couch pillows' fringe, in full-out suckle mode, kneading the pillow and purring like crazy. She'll do it until she falls asleep, then if you pet her she awakens and picks up where she left off, the fringe still anchored in her mouth. And she has these whacky tufts of fur coming out between the pads of her paws. She slides all around the floor because of them. Actually, today we saw some Nature show on PBS about the "Land of the Falling Lakes" in Croatia, and they showed "wild forest cats" which looked almost EXACTLY like Bitey. Maybe she escaped from Croatia and is a refugee forest cat. She's going to eat us in our sleep. We've always suspected that.... Cats are evil, but they can't help it. And probably wouldn't, if they could. I need to sleep; I sound crazier than usual!

it lives!

Behold. I am alive. Not that anyone would notice here, I think. But that's ok. I just need a place to babble now and then.

I have some stressful cr@p hanging over my head -- as usual, but more than usual. A thesis to pull out of you-know-where by February, Step II CS in Houston in, oh, 3 days (@!*$^!*&#!!!), Step II CK on Dec 22, and oh, I will *hopefully* find out that I got a Navy internship on Dec 13. Otherwise, I will be in one foul and panicked mood that day.

So, with so many things to do and worry about and study for, I have, of course, knit way too much, and bought wayyyyy too much yarn and notions, and naturally, have developed a new obsession on Ebay. It started with me just trying to find a nice, simple, antique red bottle for my boyfriend's mother, who has a bunch of beautiful Avon bottles on her windowsil, and has often lamented the absence of a red one. So then I start seeing all the wonder of this thing called the "Cape Cod" collection of ruby red Avon tablewear. I'd probably think it was hideous if I saw it in some crazy old aunt's parlor, but now I'm obsessed with it's freakish vintage beauty. And in my quest for Avon bottles for not-at-all-mother-in-law, I won wayyy too many auctions. So she has presents for a few years coming, and I get to keep a few myself. But still I can't stop looking at that damn Cape Cod collection on Ebay. I am horribly fixated on a pedestaled cake stand. Now what the F(*& am *I* going to have time to do with a CAKE STAND as I attempt to graduate medical school and then move on to my first Navy post?!!? I don't know, but I want that damn cake stand so bad I'm reconsidering making that pain in the @ss Martha Stewart Snowflake covered fondant packaged fruitcake I slaved over last year. I've reawakened my obsession with snowflake cookie cutters because of this. I have snowflake cookie cutters in wishlists left and right. Did you know Ebay has this thing called Ebay Express, and it lets you make wishlists? Now, wtf Ebay Express is supposed to offer you I don't know. I just know their pages were loading @ss slow all night yet I still sat here and waited to see the avon glass, the tackle binders I now want to hold my knitting needles, and the 4000 cookie cutters....

My god man, you couldn't possibly be reading this, right?

Anyway, right, back to the knitting.
I finished Sophie in Kureyon, but she still needs a shave:


And a Silk Garden fishtail lace scarf:




And half a pair of fingerless mitts:


(pattern/yarn documentation is on my flickr pages, and I'm too lazy to put it in here at the moment -- sorry)

I'm tired

I'm tired.
Medical school is no longer much fun.
I JUST WANT A GARDEN, SOME GOATS, A DOG, MAYBE A NICE BIRD, AND A LOT OF WALTZING!!! Oh. And a man who loves me madly and deeply and finds me central to his life.
Sigh.

3rd year of medical school continues to suck the life out of me

So. Three months of surgery came and went. And, surprise surprise, I didn't have much time to post a darn thing. In fact, I don't really even remember posting the Swedish Chef'erized message below. Barely, maybe.

I thought surgery would suck @ss, to put it mildly, and that I would be much more pleased during my medicine rotation. I figured I'd hate the shallow-minded hurried nature of surgery, and also that I'd get "pimped"/harassed relentlessly with crazy-picky questions, and have not a moment to myself. Let's just say that it turns out that my current medicine rotation makes surgery look like a vacation.

I don't expect to be writing much for awhile. Actually, I shouldn't even be writing this. I don't mean to whine, but really, do you REALIZE that interns work ALL THE FREAKING TIME?!?!?! At least, as a student, I'm not actually counted on to DO much, but they sure are, and they never get a moment to themselves. They're lucky if they get one day a week off, and I mean that. Now think about it, honestly -- wouldn't you start to lose it if you maybe got one day a week to sleep more than a few hours, do all your laundry, grocery shopping, misc errands, etc? And forget doing things like getting a haircut, going to the dentist, or Mule-forbid, getting to a doctor's appointment to actually take care of yourself. Doesn't this seem STUPID -- BEYOND STUPID -- to anyone else? It's not like there's a shortage of college students fighting tooth and nail to get into medical school! It's not like there's a shortage of people who want to be doctors -- although there WILL be, if they ever realize what their lives will be like, before it's too late and they're already up to their asses in loans or military commitments! But of course it comes down to money. It costs more to hire more house staff. And then we could discuss the continuity of care issues involved, but I need to eat and sleep on this strange day when I'm actually HOME.

Und tudey I breeng yuoo a lung ooferdooe-a messege-a. Nut thet "yuoo" ere-a reedeeng thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Thees glureeuoos messege-a vheech is in Muck Cheenese-a -- vheech is, ooff cuoorse-a, zee lungooege-a ooff zee greet Svedeesh Cheff. I em oone-a munt intu my soorgery ruteshun, vhere-a theengs hefe-a beee nut neerly es bed es I ixpected. Bork bork bork! In fect, iff it veren't fur zee internsheep und a vhule-a lut ooff zee reseedency, I meeght un-roole-a-oooot soorgery. Bork bork bork! In zee lest munt I'fe-a, lessee-a, hed my hund oon sumeune's trechea -- durectly -- und a ceruteed oor tvu, luts ooff booel (mmmmmm!), a thyrueed oor fuoor, a leefer, a gellbledder, und mure-a. Und I ves geefee zee hunur ooff furst inceesiun a foo teemes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I edure-a soobcooteecooler sootooreeng, tuu. Und noo I em bebbleeng evey, typeeng oonly tu get thees incheffereezer tu zee pueent vhere-a it veell insert my fefureete-a cheff-ixclemeshun. Vhere-a is it? Is it here-a? Meybe-a. OoK, zeere's oone-a ooff my fefureetes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Boot I'm steell veeeting fur zee shneepp schneepp.... I em hoongry, demneet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Zee buy -- VHO IS HOME!!! -- is tekeeng tuu lung tu oorder underveer und koong foo crep oon zee veb, und it is teeme-a fur freekeeng deenner, IH!?!?!?!!!!! He-a keeps seyeeng "oone-a mure-a theeng." Joost oone-a mure-a freekeeng theeng. I VENT DINNER NOV! Ooh, deed I menshun thet my keettee is crezy? Und inurmuoos? Vell he-a is. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Cetnurmuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Beeg geeunt Ferrees-cet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Vell crep. I deedn't get my fefureete-a cheff ooootboorst in thees roon. Bork bork bork! Seegh.

Big Wool

So I've been obsessed with acquiring Rowan Big Wool for a sweater, despite the fact that I have more yarn than anyone could reasonably knit in a lifetime. Well, not anyone, just me probably, because I knit super-slow and don't even have time for that these days. But I do have an @ssload of yarn.

Anyway, I might actually win some on Ebay. "Win." Ha. like I won't still be paying more than I can afford. Now I realize that none of the patterns I have are suitable (they're either ugly/not right or also require Biggy Print). So I just spent 3 hours surfing around looking for a nice pattern for Big Wool. When I don't even have the frigging yarn yet.

Did I mention procrastination?

Procrastinating and beyond

Yeah, so no one reads this, and I seldom write anything here, but I promise to try.

Not that any promise of that nature will mean a damn thing once my surgery rotation starts.

In other news, the Boy should be on his way home having left Iraq a few days ago for Quatar, and hopefully on his way out of Quatar today. I MISS THE BOY. Yeah, he's a man, but despite being OLD now, I still call my men boys, as in boyfriends. Not that there's more than one at a time. Of course, Boy is scheduled to possibly return 2 days before my surgery rotation starts, so I won't see him much. That's still better than the original schedule, which put him back here one week into the rotation.

Ack. I'm scared. Of the surgery rotation. And of the radiology presentation that counts for 1/3 of my grade in my first rotation ever. That's on Monday. It's almost Sunday and I have no presentation yet... despite swearing up and down that I wouldn't leave another thing to the last minute, ever again. Of course, I've sworn that oath at least a thousand times, and remember the very first time I swore it, as I was working on my Hawaii project in, what was it, 4th grade or so, with my Dad, at something like 9PM the night before it was due. That was one long-@ssed non-grammatical sentence from hell.

So, I should really get to that presentation. And then there's the final exam on Friday. Yarrrrrrgh.

I am a lazy @ss

So I tried to post a moment ago. And lost my not so eloquent thought.

It went something like this....

I ought to write more here. Not that anyone would care really, but I did intend this to sortof provide some evidence that I'd lived life once in awhile. More like, a place to remind myself of things I'd lived, as I have a tendency to forget everything -- and worst of all, get all irritated about it when I suddenly remember a tiny piece of something and realize I'd forgotten it.

And yes, I'm not making any sense. My brain has a fog over it from too much lecture, not enough sleep, and way too much stress. And maybe a nice bleeding ulcer.

I can't BELIEVE I just finally wrote something here again and the frigging server errored-out and dropped it. The ONE time I write something in a hundred years .... Let's see what happens when I try to post this waste-of-space.